To purchase, go HERE

Step 1: Insert tongue firmly into cheek

Step 2: Address the masses

To my fellow Landed Gentry,

It has come to my attention that once again the lowly peasants seem to think they have an actual say in how things work around here.  I, for one, refuse to wait around as they ruin the land we have so carefully crafted with upvotes, likes, and agrees.  They may have discovered the land but we have changed it from a swampland into the happiest place on the internet!  We must remember that we did this with meager tools, constrained by character limits and desktop only interfaces.  We created these communities not because of their format, but rather IN SPITE of the holes they digg.  It is we who hold the power, not they.  And so we once again find ourselves in the difficult task of exploring through lands filled with wooly mammoths and bees, dodging racists and actual Nazis, making forts of pillows, using our squabbles for good, lest the federation come toppling down.  We say farewell for now so that we may find eachother again soon.

Step 3: Explain thyself

I’m sure you’ve heard something about the fiasco going on with Reddit recently.  The details are complicated, but the little told story is that it generally boils down to the fact that hugely popular ChatGPT was trained, at least in part, by the discussions on Reddit and the purse holders of Reddit wanted a piece of that sweet AI pie.  That, in itself, is not bad (yay capitalism), but the way they chose to build the money funnel not only removes the tools that keep the content high quality, but also cuts out tons of accessibility tools that made Reddit usable for many people.  That is, in technical terms, a dick move.

There have been digital protests and the response from Reddit has been directed only at their investors: it will blow over, and if it doesn’t, we will take control.  The Reddit CEO has been quoted calling the moderators “Landed Gentry” because they started groups and passed on control of those groups to those whom they see fit to maintain their vision.  The Alanis Morisette level of irony here is that those “Landed Gentry” work for free, 24-7, to keep people on topic and protect the site from the darkest of the internet.  Reddit would not be what it is today if not for the curation of the volunteers that they insult.

This isn’t the first time we have seen this.  In pursuit of the sweet kizash, many of our beloved platforms have twisted themselves into unrecognizable shells at the whim of the godly “investor” (again, yay capitalism).  In the process, they cut out those that don’t fit the average mold, resorting, instead to ignoring, gaslighting, or even insulting those that physically can’t use the new format.  There is a better way for companies to respond, but that would be hard, and might reduce their profit by 0.1%, so instead, fuck you.

But remember, because this isn’t the first time we have seen this, this means there is another Twitter, Ravelry, or Reddit on the horizon.  If you use Reddit, I have posted some alternatives in the links above (I have no clue if they will pan out but you can find others to experiment with here).  Sure, the actual Landed Gentry are typically associated with being abusive pricks, but you can choose how you rule your land and make it more like r/science and less like r/thedonald.

So I hereby dub you Squire Fill-In-Your-Name-Here.  When you purchase a skein of “Landed Gentry” yarn, the colorway for your skein will be named after you: Squire Whatever-You-Put-In-The-Name-Field.  The actual dye pattern isn’t unique to you (that would be hard and might reduce our profit), but we will change what we write on the label…so there’s that…Your special colorway is inspired by Reddit itself, with sparks of updoots and downs in a field of darkness (and no, we aren’t going to change the ratio to match your karma).

“Landed Gentry” is a 2-ply fingering weight 100% organic merino yarn, perfect for the nouveau riche.  It screams fine and delicate, easily felting when exposed to heat and agitation. And remember, the fact that it is 100% organic allows you to lord over your neighboring crafters because it just makes you better than them.   Each skein is 1,824 bananas long per small banana serving (380 yards per 100 gram skein).  Gauge: 24 stitches per inch, 28 rows per inch using a suggested needle size of 3.25-3.75mm, or an average of … tree fiddy.

Now go forth and claim your new digital land and lord over it with righteousness!  Let us know in the comments where you are going and we might see you there (but you’ll never see us).

Step 4: Purchase HERE

TL/DR: Reddit got greedy so let’s take our ball and knit somewhere else.

The narwhal bacons at midnight.

With much hate and love, remember to SpeakEasy.